Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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