Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
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I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sext me about skeletons
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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