If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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