i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
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i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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