I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
