Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
