Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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