Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
