I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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