I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
