Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
