i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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