I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
