his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
