stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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