Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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