worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I pour the whiskey from now on
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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