i just google imaged poop.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
