when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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