Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
