my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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