That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
