Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Your dad touched me again.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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