I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
