Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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