I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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