I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
