Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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