Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
