Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
