We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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