Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
