the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
