haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
