Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
