if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
