I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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