Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
