Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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