Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The chlamydia really affected his face.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
