Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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