I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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