Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
