and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
