uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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