double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
