i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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