They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
