ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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