I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize