and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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