So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
