Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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