I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
