wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
