wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
