haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
