we're blogging at a bar
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
