I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
