We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
