Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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