turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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