wakey wakey hands off snakey
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
