He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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