Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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