yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
