I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
