i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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