Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
