The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
