it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
