i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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