allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
