before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
