She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize