I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
