1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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