I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
