life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
