Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
